[redmoon89]

A rather old fashioned lady, was planning a couple of weeks vacation in Florida. She also was quite delicate and elegant with her language. She wrote a letter to a particular campground and asked for reservations. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped but didn’t know quite how to ask about the “toilet” facilities. She just couldn’t bring herself to write the word “toilet” in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old fashioned term “Bathroom Commode,” but when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again; rewrote the entire letter and referred to the “Bathroom Commode” simply as the “B.C.”. Does the campground have its own “B.C.?” is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn’t old fashioned at all, and when he got the letter, he couldn’t figure out what the lady was talking about. That “B.C.” really stumped him. After worrying about it for several days, he showed the letter to other campers, but they couldn’t figure out what the lady meant either. The campground owner finally came to the conclusion that the lady was and must be asking about the location of the local Baptist Church.

So he sat down and wrote the following reply:

“Dear Madam: I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure of informing in that the “B.C.” is located nine miles north of the camp site and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along, and make a day of it..... They usually arrive early and stay late. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats.....They plan to hold the supper in the middle of the “B.C.”, so everyone can watch and talk about this great event.....I would like to say it pains me very much, not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely not for lack of desire on my part....As we grow older, it seems to be more and more of an effort, particularly in cold weather..... If you decide to come down to the campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go...sit with you...and introduce you to all the other folks..... This is really a very friendly community....

[jt21]

Man to son:
Endeavour to marry a girl with small hands, it’ll make your
penis look bigger

[Jay]

Originally Posted by jt21

Man to son:
Endeavour to marry a girl with small hands, it’ll make your
penis look bigger

ok, where's the funny part?

[daneblack]

Originally Posted by redmoon89

truyện xưa ơi là xưa nhưng hay

LESSON 1



A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.

They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12:55pm."

Moral of the story: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"

-

LESSON 2


Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his
hand, "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the
shredder machine. "I just need one copy."

Moral of the story: "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"
-

LESSON 3


An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you ...
Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of -kee was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee am I ?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

Moral of the story: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"

-

LESSON 4


There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he
said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and
shouted, "WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so
contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."

Moral of the story: "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE


SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"
-

LESSON 5


The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in-charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain..... I should be in-charge because I run all body functions.
Blood..... I should be in-charge because I circulate oxygen for the
brain.
Stomach... I should be in-charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs...... I should be in-charge because I take the brain where it wants
to go.
Eyes...... I should be in-charge because I let the brain see where it's
going.
Asshole... I should be in-charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and
stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste
whatsoever.
Day 1: Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2: Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3: Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4: Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5: Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6: The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in-charge.

Moral of the story: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK


YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN-CHARGE"

Bác nào biết tìm những thể loại na ná như thế này ở nguồn nào không

[alanin]

Có cặp vợ chồng nọ đang abcxyz thì bỗng có 1 con cọp rình ở ngoài định xông vào ăn thịt 2 vợ chông. Đang trong cơn phê, người vợ hỏi chồng:
- Anh ơi, nếu bây giờ mà có con cọp xông vào thì anh có sợ ko?
Người chồng đáp"
- Sợ cái con *ặt chứ sợ !
- Vậy nếu cọp xông vào thì e có sợ ko - người chồng hỏi lại
Vợ đáp:
- Con *ặt e còn ko sợ nói chi sợ cọp, hí hí
Con cọp bên ngoài nghe 2 vợ chồng nói chuyện đam ra lo lắng sợ sệt, "không biết con *ặt là con gì mà đáng sợ hơn cả mình". Cọp liền chạy đi tìm hiểu xem con *ặt là con gì, đang đi thì cọp gặp 1 bà lão, cọp ta liền bắt bà lão lại kể cho bà lão nghe câu chuyện cọp nghe đc cảu 2 vợ chồng.
_ Con *ặt là con gì mà sao 2 vợ chồng kia sợ hơn sợ cọp vậy - cọp hỏi
Bà lão liền tốc váy lên và chỉ vào "chỗ đó" của bà và nói
_ Con *ặt nó rất là đáng sợ, nó cắn tôi 1 lỗ mà đến giờ vẫn chưa lành này.
Cọp sau khi nhìn thấy "chỗ đó" của bà lão liền chạy mất xác. Thế là con *ặt đã cứu đc mạng 2 vợ chồng kia

[Garnet]

^
bậy vãi

[WINDOWPHONE]

Bố v. : con biết bơi k ?
Con rể vui vẻ : dạ k
Bố v. cười: thế thì con chẳng = con chó r !
Con rể vẫn vui vẻ : thế bố biết bơi k ?
Bố v. ưỡn ngực:dĩ nhiên là có !
Con rể sướg:thế hóa ra bố cũg chỉ = con chó!
)!

[firestork]

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. " how could you do this to me," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain about the toy, if you explain about the kids."

[auraldrvOz]

A hỏi B: "Trời Mưa, có 3 Người đang trú Mưa cùng 1 Chỗ: Thằng Bạn Thân, 1 Bà Già cần được đi Bệnh Viện & N/Yêu của Bạn. Bạn có Xe Máy nhưng chỉ chở được 1 Người. Bạn chọn thế nào?".
B đáp: Bảo Bạn Gái đưa Bà Già đi Bệnh Viện rồi ở lại với Thằng Bạn Thân. Đúng Chất vOzers.

[Jay]

Originally Posted by auraldrvOz

A hỏi B: "Trời Mưa, có 3 Người đang trú Mưa cùng 1 Chỗ: Thằng Bạn Thân, 1 Bà Già cần được đi Bệnh Viện & N/Yêu của Bạn. Bạn có Xe Máy nhưng chỉ chở được 1 Người. Bạn chọn thế nào?".
B đáp: Bảo Bạn Gái đưa Bà Già đi Bệnh Viện rồi ở lại với Thằng Bạn Thân. Đúng Chất vOzers.

chôm ở chổ khác trên voz rồi post vào đây... đúng là rãnh vãi hàng